 |
| Garden Spider - Originally posted on my Tumblr 12/17/2014 |
I am an arachnophobe. They scare the bejeebus out of me, and I never try to pretend they don’t. But I saw this beautiful lady a while back, and man I couldn’t not take a photo.To expand on the original content: When I say I am an arachnophobe I do really mean it. I was bitten by a spider as a child and still have the dime-sized scar from the ensuing wound. I'm not fond of them. Not fond at all.
I still don’t like spiders, but I don’t hate these even if they have weird little torc-holding aliens on their butts.
But, she was worth defying fear. I mean, look at her! So I want you to imagine me ignoring my pants-shitting terror to kneel down, go into macro-mode on my camera and lean in within inches to take this pic. I did it because I thought "WOW! I want to share her with everyone! I want them to see how beautiful she is even if she is absolutely horrifying" And I think - I think - that's my ethos on the things that scare me in "woo woo" , too. I want to share them because they are beautiful, even when they scare me.
I push through the fear, kneel down, get close and take a picture. It is hard work, but the pride that arises in the moment of success is very much worth it. Of course, I did crab walk away very quickly, so sometimes even courage has it's limits.
Oh man I couldn't have done that.
ReplyDeleteI have a fucked up relationship with spiders... spiritually we are like one and I've learned a lot through that relationship and in some ways define myself by it... but I have always been an arachnophobe. I'm slowly working on containing this fear... I've made huge progress. Still can't handle one on one's with most of them though.
I never would be able to get down within inches of her like that though.
*shivers*
She is gorgeous and strange and terrifying. Mostly gorgeous.
She is beautiful. The Golden Orb Weavers are abundant in my yard, and behind the old oak where I hold circle, offerings, and meditation, a semi-circle of them have have conjugated this fall. They string golden webs high and tight, and sit in silent, balanced contemplation. I have taken to invoking the properties of their webs and their spirits as I cast circle and "stir the cauldron".
ReplyDeleteI recently found one hanging about my mailbox, and, with a slightly trembling hand, gently picked her up and re-homed her on the far side of my porch, beside the shrubbery. I thought she would run, but she seemed to shrug, and build a web there, mate, and hatch little spiderlings.
I want to say that I have been reading your blog for days, and I have found strength, wisdom, camaraderie, and a bit of freedom from your writings. I cannot wait to read your book, which I am sure you will publish in the future.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Your posts about permissions and dangerous knowledge especially resonated with me, since I was recent bashed in my own Pagan community for my "Situational ethics" and "questionable morals" for pointing out some of the same hypocrisy you do regarding ritual animal killing and sacrifice. I do not fear death, I am reminded of it every day. I do not fear blood, even if I did not bleed once a month, I work in surgery and my hands are in it every day. I do not feel an obligation to "Good" or "right"; I am my own kind of witch, there is no room for "Good" or "Bad" (as relative to societal and group taboos) in my philosophy.
I only regret that I did not find you sooner, when I was hounded by my own demon. I was young, filled with fear, and a christian, and instead of turning to fight, I prayed and ran, which only made it pursue me further. He still visits once a month now, which is much less frequently than in my youth, last month, he tried to drag me away for good. Thanks to the protections in my house, and my furious struggling, he didn't take me beyond my front door.
I dare him to return this month.
I've rambled enough, but all of this is to say something I'm not sure you hear very often; Thank you, from my heart. Please never stop writing and know, that you are enlightening and empowering some of us.