Saturday, October 18, 2014

My Grandmother's Words.

My Grandmother's souvenir set containing oil, incense, soil and holy water from Jerusalem.

If you suffer from an anxiety disorder, depression, etc. This entry may be triggering for you. It may also be cathartic. If you were bullied growing up, came from a hostile or toxic home life...etc. The same thing may be true. I want to "trigger warn" anyone coming by because I really, really, don't want you to hurt over my hurt. I want to you be free of your fears and suffering. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to live by my Grandmother's words or rather the meaning behind them. 

This is not, on the surface, a woo-woo post.  This is also not an attempt to declare a change in my religion.  This is me cleaning out an old wound, and making some thinly-veiled commentary on bullying.

My Saturn Return started when I was in my early twenties. It loomed on the horizon like something out of Lovecraft (accompanied by blasting trumpets and screeching metal) and impressed upon me that it was about to mess me up so profoundly that by the time it was over I wouldn't even recognize myself. I took to heart its message and made grand, drastic, changes in my life to sweep a path for it to pass without injury. Except that an entire decade of the stuff means you can't keep everything out of harm's way and focusing on trying to save it all means you often save only the most precious things, or realize their loss in the aftermath.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Dangerous Knowledge. Pt.2

Hamsa from one of my personal workbooks.
A long time ago I made a post about the situation I found myself in as a youngin, and the horrors I went through as a result. Now, as an adult, I've been going through massive amounts of soul-retreival-type work and discovering... well... the whole woo-woo thing didn't start there, that's just where my memory of it picked up. So, in that respect it's basically just "pretty lucky" that it took until then to get weird/dangerous.

Recently I've had several people mention the "Dangerous Knowledge" post to me, either in passing or in direct reference. When that many mentions happen you need to pay attention, and I've found that it's definitely time to revisit the topic. 

And here's precisely how I dealt with it, though your own needs may vary.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

HTTA Stuff Pt. 2: I Hear The Sound of Chainsaws.

One of Granny Cedar's many Eyes.

I Hear The Sound of Chainsaws. 

It is coming from the deep, wild, woods. I am revolted. I cross the fences, descend down a hill and trail to the vast clearing that surrounds a sacred tree - beyond it, just out of sight, behind a veil of trembling leaves is the source of it all. It is beyond the River, and over the Hill - beyond the mythic horizon.  It is something terrible, it's not merely chainsaws and bulldozers and bright blue floodlights. It is perverted, and its wrongness affronts me and raises primordial fear and disgust. The things it raises in the back of my head, the things I know it does and wants... they are the true evils.

And realize that this is a nightmare. 

Monday, July 21, 2014

Hard To Talk About Stuff Pt.1 : Permissions.

Railway spikes found near a dump-site in the woods.
Brought home and re-purposed to "nail down" the corners of my land.
I have decisions to make, but I'm not alone. 

Decisions about trees.  Decisions about wildflowers. About fallen logs. About old bricks. Decisions about rocks. Decisions about dirt. Un/fortunately, I am not making these decisions solo. There are a myriad of spirits and forces that have to be taken into consideration before these decisions can be made.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Re:Blogging Familiar altar.

Familiar Altar - Originally posted on Tumblr on 3/11/2014

The old setup of my familiar altar.  This is how it was for a few years, on the lower portion of my gigantic oak altar.
The urns are hand sculpted and painted by me using a combination of native clay slip and commercial under-glazes with lots of scraping.
However, the toadfrog lady smiling benignly at you (and her tiny green bottle) is by Erin Nightwalker, and was inspired by the toadfroglady spirit in the urn between her and the deer skull.
Since this photo was taken the altar was completely redone, and Ladyfrog acquired several more trinkets and statues.

Posting photos of ritual regalia and familiar Things always takes a lot of arguing with myself and struggling in order to finally manage it. Because, to me, it feels rather like posting photos of one's friend or lover in the nude and possibly in a compromising position.

But over time my familiars have explicitly stated that they desire to be photographed and posted, so I do. Yes, I airbrush out names and sigils, but at least viewers can still get a feel for things.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Re-Blogging: First Spring.

Early Spring Foliage - originally posted to my tumblr on 3/10/2014
The Signs of Spring are getting to be a little hard to ignore. But one could be forgiven for missing this one. A tiny 1/4” Least Bluet hidden in early chickweed and wood sorrel sprouts.
First Spring doesn't happen until it happens. I don't even bother trying to conjure up the land serpents until they show that they're ready to wake up. I mean, really... "Never tickle a sleeping dragon."

So when the first of them feels restless, when the blue has come off of its eyes and it seems ready to split the old skin and emerge shiny and clean then I will brave the chill of the night and drum and rattle and stomp until it gets the point and stops lazing about.

The first signs could be anywhere from early February to April. If it goes much later... I simply tickle the dragon anyway.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Re-Blogging: Garden Spider

Garden Spider - Originally posted on my Tumblr 12/17/2014